He's... dealing. It's hard to tell how much of it is repression and how much is just... an almost jaded resignation. He's a tired man. He's tired of gods, tired of raging at gods, of dealing with a reality of powerlessness in the face of forces of nature and beyond that mankind, even as its peak of what he knew before, could barely hope to wield in equal measure. He's had that epiphany three times in his combined lifetime, now; the first on the day of the City's completion, the second in its last days, and the third as a Blank. And while the first broke his pride, the second and third broke his hope, leaving few pieces.
So he deals. Somehow he's still alive, so he has to keep that up. Living because you're alive, walking forward because you can walk, it's an integral part of what has always kept him going. Doing those things for the sake of others who want him to, others who would have wanted him to, and for himself. And at least for now... there are no Games. They rely on the gods for their sustenance. He can deal with the trades required. He's long past the age of some fruitless gesture of rebellion like rejecting survival just to show his rejection of the relationship's existence. There's no point to it. It won't make a difference. But living might.
So he's going to take the gods' things and build, and build, to the point where maybe they won't need the gods anymore. Make a place worth living in for himself and the people already here and the people who might someday come. Focusing on what's in front of him, ignoring the awareness of how futile it all could be, how it could be cut short at any time, if the gods' wills should turn on their caprice. A small hope for "maybe we'll be ready, then".
It's like making sandcastles knowing that the tide will come in, eventually, but doing them anyway because you don't really know what else to do. And the faint, faint daydream that maybe someday you can make one that will stand up to the waves.
....gosh that was kind of depressing to write
Reverse for Zexion? Unless it's been asked before, in which case, tell me about what Zexion is working towards right now (if anything).
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So he deals. Somehow he's still alive, so he has to keep that up. Living because you're alive, walking forward because you can walk, it's an integral part of what has always kept him going. Doing those things for the sake of others who want him to, others who would have wanted him to, and for himself. And at least for now... there are no Games. They rely on the gods for their sustenance. He can deal with the trades required. He's long past the age of some fruitless gesture of rebellion like rejecting survival just to show his rejection of the relationship's existence. There's no point to it. It won't make a difference. But living might.
So he's going to take the gods' things and build, and build, to the point where maybe they won't need the gods anymore. Make a place worth living in for himself and the people already here and the people who might someday come. Focusing on what's in front of him, ignoring the awareness of how futile it all could be, how it could be cut short at any time, if the gods' wills should turn on their caprice. A small hope for "maybe we'll be ready, then".
It's like making sandcastles knowing that the tide will come in, eventually, but doing them anyway because you don't really know what else to do. And the faint, faint daydream that maybe someday you can make one that will stand up to the waves.
....gosh that was kind of depressing to write
Reverse for Zexion? Unless it's been asked before, in which case, tell me about what Zexion is working towards right now (if anything).